When I inked the last fullstop in my answer sheet today, I was filled with the most awesome sensation ever. Shockingly so, it wasnt the fact that today was the last final of my second semester in my CC (Crappy College). I overflowed with the sudden sense of confrontation, of getting away from the evil tormenting me for two straight semesters in a row. It wasnt something horrifying (although the fact that my internet usage would be closely monitored gave me the heebie-jeebies), however, I feel this pain of intermittent nausea in the pit of my stomach.
I slept a meager five hours last night, occasionally waking up to the bloody dog tied downstairs howling in pain, and the horrific sweating and not to mention the sudden outbursts of "oh-god!-I-havent-studied-but-I-overslept!!!!" feeling which followed gentle self assurances that my cute wake up call isnt here yet. My life felt like it'd had been designed by God in such a hurry, he left out several important things to include. Anyway, all that aside, when I walked out of that exam hall, I prayed that it would be the last time I'd have to walk the corridors of the college, I prayed that these would be the last ever moments where I'd have to call myself a student of the college.
For a pretty rational person, I'm immensely god fearing, which again, people think I'm faking because they THINK I ought to be atheistic (whatever. >.<). Its like that saying you know, "Dirty dishwater, better than none" except in this case, a set of 32 teeth better than none aint it?. With my father nearly two hours away from coming to get me, I cannot feel but a sense of deep distraught over how uncertain my future is. I dont see myself anywhere. Probably because I'm out of hope, even if I'm constantly praying, predominantly because the God of the cosmos is never short of miracles. I'm personally scared. Which again, is an irony considering how I dont like to admit I'm afraid of things.
I just want to get out of here and I'm sure the ruler of all cosmos has a plan up that sleeve of His. If only I werent so scared out of my wits. Oh well, for now, I'm getting out, and I only pray that my will and His will is the same and I get to be where I want to be. It isnt something that I want done because I want to, I just dont want to disappoint....yet again..
I slept a meager five hours last night, occasionally waking up to the bloody dog tied downstairs howling in pain, and the horrific sweating and not to mention the sudden outbursts of "oh-god!-I-havent-studied-but-I-overslept!!!!" feeling which followed gentle self assurances that my cute wake up call isnt here yet. My life felt like it'd had been designed by God in such a hurry, he left out several important things to include. Anyway, all that aside, when I walked out of that exam hall, I prayed that it would be the last time I'd have to walk the corridors of the college, I prayed that these would be the last ever moments where I'd have to call myself a student of the college.
For a pretty rational person, I'm immensely god fearing, which again, people think I'm faking because they THINK I ought to be atheistic (whatever. >.<). Its like that saying you know, "Dirty dishwater, better than none" except in this case, a set of 32 teeth better than none aint it?. With my father nearly two hours away from coming to get me, I cannot feel but a sense of deep distraught over how uncertain my future is. I dont see myself anywhere. Probably because I'm out of hope, even if I'm constantly praying, predominantly because the God of the cosmos is never short of miracles. I'm personally scared. Which again, is an irony considering how I dont like to admit I'm afraid of things.
I just want to get out of here and I'm sure the ruler of all cosmos has a plan up that sleeve of His. If only I werent so scared out of my wits. Oh well, for now, I'm getting out, and I only pray that my will and His will is the same and I get to be where I want to be. It isnt something that I want done because I want to, I just dont want to disappoint....yet again..
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